So here's something new

An update for all -
New numbers were released last week that indicate the prevalency of autism has increased and is now present in 1 in 88 children.
Boys are 5 times more likely than girls to be diagnosed with autism.
And what's happening in California? The state is demanding that those with insurance receive services through their providers and those with MediCal are going to stick with the county systems. It's because they're broke, and this sucks - it means a decline in the quality of services due to shifts in providers and it means that I have to stop seeing kids I have been with for years because I'm not licensed. I have a master's damn it!
Well poo...

Thank you for being a friend...

If I haven't touched upon this yet, my dad is in love with The Golden Girls. Every week night when I am working on reports, data sheets, cheer routines, whatever, I turn on Golden Girls after The Daily Show finishes and if there are no repeats of ridiculous Housewives episodes on Bravo!. My father, puttering about the kitchen behind me, immediately picks up on this, hums the theme song, and (repetitively) expresses his sadness that all but one of the ladies is dead; "Such a shame" he says, as he commiserates with Lucy my cat.

Tonight, I was taking a different route, and found Friends on Nick at Night, a reality I cannot accept, as I Love Lucy, The Wonder Years, and I Dream of Jeannie were my Nick at Night shows. Friends? Really? That's like 6 years old. Give me a break; but I digress. So, as I'm watching Joey seduce his new roommate, Dad says, "I didn't expect to be up this late, but since I am I think we should turn on The Golden Girls, unless you're watching something particularly special. It's always an interesting show."

My response, "By all means Dad." I can't deny him his Betty White time. That's just cruel.

Note the time of this entry

Listening to my dad try to surmise the plot of "Employee of the Month" (yes, the Dane Cook movie with Jessica Simpson) without assisting him is a delight.

"Well that guy looks evil...oh and he does not like that gold stars are not going on his chart. Oh and it does look like Costco. This looks very interesting."

Have fun Dad! Night!

For me

While I feel it is incredibly tacky to post comments on Facebook about deaths, because all people can do is "Like" them with that damn thumb's up, I felt compelled to write something about Nana. She has been gone for a year now, and a lot of people loved her, probably everyone reading this right now. So for her and for me, here's a little something.

My Nana was the love of my life. I was the apple of her eye, though that's not a British metaphor so she probably wouldn't like it. I had her unconditional love and she had mine. She was my ally in this family, and she's left me to fight on alone. But she lived 94 beautiful, blessed years in this world, and was the light of 24 of mine. I think of her every day and wish that I could have said goodbye. To you, Nana, I love you more than anything. Forgive me for writing this on a blog, something you never heard of.

Oh so awkward

I flashed by the Charlie Sheen Roast tonight... Dad walked by... right when the hooker/crack/obviously offensive Sheen-esque joke was popping out. He just looked at me and walked away. I can't blame him.

Native American Corgi

My little corgi Darcie is a bit of a chunk, like most corgis. My dad refuses to believe that she is typical size and makes frequent comments about her weight - TO HER FACE! How dare he.

Here's the most recent quote:

"If there was an Indian name for Darcie it would be "Ten Pork Chops".

Failed Dad, you failed.

Okay, lately my evening routine consists of putting on pajamas (or 'jammers' to some), eating cheese and crackers, working and getting complaints from parents I work with and work hard for (urgh!), and watching the Daily Show.

Enter Dad.

This little fellow popped up with Jon Stewart as none other than "the cat who looks like Hitler"; My dad saw him up on the screen and said, "Wow! That is a very special pussy cat. Very big ears!"

How could he have missed the point farther? Really, how?

I can't be sure, I can never be sure...

... but I'm pretty sure that when I came home to check in on my mom today she was watching Jersey Shore.

I have been busy

Wedding fever is sweeping my beloveds! And the only prescription? Crafting... of course. I have been a busy bee! Behold...

Bridal Shower invites...

And something for the girl of the hour...

So much fun to be able to help out the loved ones.

Are you trying to set me up with Nick Cannon?

Okay, I know you all have grown to love and laugh at my pappa, but we're switching it up. It's mom's turn.

She decided to watch America's Got Talent, for reasons I cannot explain to you. The blog is not meant to be a DSM. Moving on, I walk in the door from work and my Mom opens with, "You know who's a nice guy? That Nick Cannon."

Silence.

"He was so nice to this old man on the show. He got rejected but then Nick [they're on a first name basis] sang with him anyway."

"He's married to Mariah Carey mom."

"Oh.... okay."

Just another Saturday night

I arrived home from a lovely dinner with friends, and I find a chilling sight.

My dad and (more surprisingly) my mom watching effing Conan the Destroyer on AMC. "Oh God" fell out of my mouth. An hour later, this fell out of my dad's, "Arnold has quite a physique! Those muscles! Not that it excites me..."

Fantastic.

Jeans

Dad, "Is there a big crease in the ass?"

Mom, "Yes because you have no butt."

Laundry

Another gem from Pappa Whit.
I was loading the washer and someone decided to supervise.
As per usual, the washer was filling, but there HAD to be a comment, and it was, "Wow. Look at that son of a bitch fill!"

The end.

Whilst Watching the Lakers

Ah the Lakers. How I do love to sit and relax on the weekend and take in the Purple and Gold. Of course this takes place amidst my father's incessant yammering. Observe:

"I'm rooting for Lamar... and Khloe. I've never seen her though"

Me: "She's not that attractive Dad. No one really thinks so."

"Well I heard that Kim... Kim right?... Yes, that Kim is the attractive one; the 'sexy' one." (He utilized air quotes for 'sexy', a word I have never heard him say in my life and hope to never hear again).

After a 1 minute pause filled with my laughter, he turned his attention to a bad foul:

"Come on Kobe! Take it right to the ref., kick him in the crotch, and make the basket!"

All the makings of a delightful Saturday.

Chinese Food!

My parents and our family have been committed to one Chinese Restaurant since before I was born. It's delicious, I won't deny it. However, my father gets a little too excited when we go there.

"I'm feeling a bit peckish everyone... Ah, a cornucopia of tastes. I cannot wait!"

Sure Dad... just throw out the word "cornucopia" like it ain't no thang. ?But, this was not the best part of the evening. Inevitably, a post-meal reading of the fortunes came to pass. My gloomy father read aloud "Happiness begins with facing life with a smile and a wink." Obviously, after every negative comment he gave the rest of the evening, my mom and I responded with the gentle reminder of "A smile and a wink..." He was not amused.

A great way to spend a weekend

Enjoy yourself in California's Central Coast. Kirks Creek
http://www.recreation.gov/campgroundDetails.do?contractCode=NRSO&parkId=71993
campground sits in the southern part of Big Sur on a bluff. It's absolutely beautiful and pup friendly. Darcie had a blast and loved life for the whole weekend. It's also close to Hearst Castle and San Simeon, elephant seals and Monterey. If you go NOWish, you can also see the baby elephant seal pups. They're a delight.

Dogs and being famous for no reason

Bee Gee is pictured above. My dad calls him Lamar Odom. "Why?" I asked. "Because he's really mellow and slow, and has bursts of energy only when he absolutely needs them."

Darcie is picture below. My dad calls her piglet. The reasons are clear enough. So, when he walked in and they were lying next to each other, he said, "Oh look! It's piglet and Lamar!" Funny... that's the name of Khloe and Lamar's new reality show - BOOM roasted Sasquatch!

The Holidays...

Ah Christmas dinner. I time to eat, be merry, and reminisce through childhood memories, like my brother learning how to use a shotgun for a Boy Scout badge. Ya... can't you hear the jingle bells? In any case, apparently my father took Brother Andrew and his friend to the shooting range several times to complete this badge, and they were not very good. After my brother, now 30, complained about how hard it was and his bitterness towards the badge, my dad said:

"Just go out and buy a horse and shoot it and get your OWN badge."

A delight...

Oh England in the '60s

The last art project I did was drawing a jam jar in high school. This teacher who was a well-renowned art teacher said, “Whitlock! You have butchered the paper!” My only claim to fame after that was in Uncle Malcolm’s woodwork class.

She has expensive taste...

...lobster and all.