I have been busy

Wedding fever is sweeping my beloveds! And the only prescription? Crafting... of course. I have been a busy bee! Behold...

Bridal Shower invites...

And something for the girl of the hour...

So much fun to be able to help out the loved ones.

Are you trying to set me up with Nick Cannon?

Okay, I know you all have grown to love and laugh at my pappa, but we're switching it up. It's mom's turn.

She decided to watch America's Got Talent, for reasons I cannot explain to you. The blog is not meant to be a DSM. Moving on, I walk in the door from work and my Mom opens with, "You know who's a nice guy? That Nick Cannon."

Silence.

"He was so nice to this old man on the show. He got rejected but then Nick [they're on a first name basis] sang with him anyway."

"He's married to Mariah Carey mom."

"Oh.... okay."

Just another Saturday night

I arrived home from a lovely dinner with friends, and I find a chilling sight.

My dad and (more surprisingly) my mom watching effing Conan the Destroyer on AMC. "Oh God" fell out of my mouth. An hour later, this fell out of my dad's, "Arnold has quite a physique! Those muscles! Not that it excites me..."

Fantastic.

Jeans

Dad, "Is there a big crease in the ass?"

Mom, "Yes because you have no butt."

Laundry

Another gem from Pappa Whit.
I was loading the washer and someone decided to supervise.
As per usual, the washer was filling, but there HAD to be a comment, and it was, "Wow. Look at that son of a bitch fill!"

The end.

Whilst Watching the Lakers

Ah the Lakers. How I do love to sit and relax on the weekend and take in the Purple and Gold. Of course this takes place amidst my father's incessant yammering. Observe:

"I'm rooting for Lamar... and Khloe. I've never seen her though"

Me: "She's not that attractive Dad. No one really thinks so."

"Well I heard that Kim... Kim right?... Yes, that Kim is the attractive one; the 'sexy' one." (He utilized air quotes for 'sexy', a word I have never heard him say in my life and hope to never hear again).

After a 1 minute pause filled with my laughter, he turned his attention to a bad foul:

"Come on Kobe! Take it right to the ref., kick him in the crotch, and make the basket!"

All the makings of a delightful Saturday.

Chinese Food!

My parents and our family have been committed to one Chinese Restaurant since before I was born. It's delicious, I won't deny it. However, my father gets a little too excited when we go there.

"I'm feeling a bit peckish everyone... Ah, a cornucopia of tastes. I cannot wait!"

Sure Dad... just throw out the word "cornucopia" like it ain't no thang. ?But, this was not the best part of the evening. Inevitably, a post-meal reading of the fortunes came to pass. My gloomy father read aloud "Happiness begins with facing life with a smile and a wink." Obviously, after every negative comment he gave the rest of the evening, my mom and I responded with the gentle reminder of "A smile and a wink..." He was not amused.